Across Australia and around the developed world, the rate of infidelity increased over the last 50+ years as women entered the workplace and the opportunities for cheating became widespread. More recently, dating apps and social media platforms have made it easier for people to meet for illicit affairs. Estimates suggest that sexual or emotional affairs now occur in close to 70% of all marriages! As private investigators, we have a unique perspective on cheating so we’ve detailed some interesting facts about infidelity that may shock you.
1. Some partners stay together despite direct evidence of cheating
Interestingly, it’s not uncommon for partners to continue their relationship, even after damning evidence of infidelity has surfaced. Sometimes people continue their relationships for financial reasons – other times it’s because they are prepared to forgive and forget. Everyone has a different threshold when it comes to cheating but it’s ultimately up to the parties involved to make a decision. Investigators simply help people make informed decisions by uncovering the truth.
2. Cheaters tend to be narcissistic and even sociopathic
Cheaters tend to exhibit sociopathic traits by displaying a general lack of empathy. Some of the common behaviours we encounter include pathological lying, callousness, and a keen ability to manipulate. One cheating partner we investigated had taken advantage of six women, and they were just the ones we knew about!
3. Occasionally, Private Investigators are able to catch a cheating partner in the act!
An investigator will endeavour to gather evidence in the course of a cheating partner investigation. Usually, holding hands, a kiss or an unexplained visit to someone’s hotel room or residence is sufficient proof. On occasion, an investigator will be in the right place at the right time and will be able to obtain irrefutable proof of actual physical infidelity when hotel curtains are left open. Examples can’t be included here for obvious reasons, but you get the picture!
4. In certain religions, evidence of infidelity is required for divorce to be granted
Coptic Christians and Maronite Catholics generally need to present evidence of infidelity to be granted a divorce through the Church. A
partner will often need to engage a private investigator to obtain such evidence. Once evidence is gathered, high-ranking priests will review the matter and make a determination about the matter. Without the blessing of the Church, a victim of infidelity cannot be granted a Church-sanctioned marriage meaning he or she cannot remarry in the Church or be baptised later.
5. Cheaters often come from more conservative, Christian backgrounds
While we’re on the subject of religion, Ashley Madison, a website designed to set up affairs between married people, released a survey in 2014 which revealed that over 70% of its users labelled themselves as Christian. This is consistent with the data cheating partner investigators see. This can likely be attributed to the fact that such faiths encourage adherents to marry at a young age at the possible expense of finding a more suitable partner later in life.
6. Cheaters usually slip-up
Cheating partners are usually not as smart as they think they are. They will typically fall into a pattern of behaviour that puts a spouse or partner on notice. Once a seed of doubt has been planted, suspicious partners become far more wary and begin to watch out for any sign of infidelity from their significant other.
7. Conducting your own cheating partner investigation is a bad idea!
We don’t just recommend hiring an investigator because it’s good for business. People almost always make their situations worse when attempting to conduct investigations by themselves. Confronting a partner as soon as suspicions arise can be counterproductive if there isn’t conclusive evidence to support your view. A partner can simply deny any accusation and convince the innocent party he or she is imagining things. Hacking or installing spyware on a partner’s device is also illegal and a reputable investigator will not perform such improper actions. Finally, conducting effective surveillance is far more resource-intensive, time-consuming and difficult than most people realise, so amateurs often get caught-out by the person they are attempting to follow.
8. Chances are they’re lying about other things too
If there’s one thing we’ve learned over our decades of experience as investigators, it’s that lying is a pattern of behaviour. What this means is that if a partner is cheating and engaging in the associated deceptive behaviours, they are more than likely lying about or concealing other things as well. Over the years, we’ve encountered partners who have lied about their finances, addictions and even hidden children that they’ve had in previous relationships. Often, a cheater’s infidelity is part of a pattern of behaviour in that he or she has subjected other people to the same heartache in the past.
9. Infidelity is not relevant to divorce at law
Australia is a no-fault jurisdiction. This means that, contrary to the belief of some people, it is not necessary to prove your spouse is unfaithful to get a divorce, nor is infidelity itself relevant to the splitting up of the assets. Other countries have different rules and are fault jurisdictions, meaning divorce might become relevant. If in doubt, seek legal advice.
10. Some won’t admit their guilt, even after decades of infidelity
Infidelity can last for decades, with or without the knowledge of the innocent party. Usually, the innocent party’s intuition will let him or her know something is wrong but, in those instances where the partner fails to realise that they are in a relationship with a cheater, the infidelity can continue for decades and many never admit their wrongdoing. We’ve even had cases where a man or woman has been suspicious of their significant other for decades and only decide to conduct an investigation after all that time.